Some shit you just can't make up

Tonight I went to Bamboo House with my family to celebrate my impending employment. Within a minute of being seated, we were accosted by Ethel Goldstein*, a woman who attended the same synagogue that we were members of around the time of my Bat Mitzvah. She has something like 4 or 5 sons, all pretty close in age. One of them, Adam, is a year younger than me, and we were in Hebrew school together. I remember him having a major crush on me, and I was silly enough to string him along for a few years. Not long after having my Bat Mitzvah I, of course, grew tired of going to the synagogue because well...I didn't HAVE to anymore, and we soon switched to a reform congregation. I'm pretty sure the last time I saw Adam was when I was 14 or 15, and he had turned religious or something. Anyway, this is how the conversation with Ethel went:

Ethel: Oh my goodness, I can't believe it's the Kane family! How are all of you?
(Mom and Dad try to speak, but to no avail)
Ethel: And Amy wow, I can't believe it's you you're all grown up! What are you up to now?
Me: Well, I just graduated from college and--
Ethel: COLLEGE! Oh wow, of course. How time flies, I really can't believe it. What did you graduate with?
Me: Excuse me?
Ethel: You know, what did you graduate with?
Me: (puzzled) Um, a major in communication studies and a ticking clock on my student loans--
Ethel: Communications, wow! So what are you doing now?
Me: Well, I just got a job and--
Ethel: Oh, in the city?
.........
Me: (nods)
Ethel: Wow, that is just, that is something, you know?
(We all share an awkward laugh)
Ethel: Well my Adam now, he's grown up too, he's married and expecting a baby.
Me: Well, he wins.
Ethel: What?
Me: Nothing.
Mom: (Kicks me under the table)
Me: So wait, that's great. Congratulations. When did he get married?
Ethel: Let me think. He married this lovely religious girl...and they have been busy doing what religious people do--
Everyone: (awkward)
Ethel: So let's see, the baby is due in October, so I wanna say they got married in..February? Wow, how time flies, really. Just look at you, wow. And I'm gonna be a grandma. Me! I have an 11 year old son, and I'm going to be a grandma. Isn't that just...great.
Dad: Well, congratulations, it was really great to see you.
Ethel: Oh yes, of course. Amy, good luck with...work and everything!
Me: Thank you.
Ethel: (Walks away)
Family: (Sigh of relief)



*Name changed, but just as Jewish.