Botox may help you get the job, but it won't help me with my expressivity problems.

"...a study published in the June issue of the journal Dermatologic Surgery in which 300 volunteers rated "before" or "after" photos of 17 women who had had Botox injections in their brow, forehead, and eye wrinkles. The volunteers gave higher scores to the "after" photos for attractiveness, dating appeal, and athletic ability—all qualities that improve the first impressions people make when meeting a potential boss, argues the study's author." (full article, U.S. News & World Report)

Really? Really? The woman pictured in the article looks younger than I do. If you look like you need a fake ID to get into bars, I'm pretty sure you don't need to be thinking about Botox.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm probably gonna juice myself up with all that shit (or the safer, less toxic version that will inevitably surface within the next 15-20 years) when it comes time to do so. Lord knows I ain't planning on aging gracefully, ala Jamie Lee Curtis. Fuck you, Activia. But until I'm pushin' mid-30's, you can bet that I am not gonna fall for any of this. If you're in your 20's and you want to have the same effects that Botox will give you (and you don't have some rare aging disorder that makes you look a lot older than you actually are) all you have to do is get a facial, have a flattering eyebrow wax/shape, sport a haircut that works with your face shape, stay hydrated, and get a good night's sleep. Employers want people who are fresh and versatile, not robotic and stretched out.*


*Note: When saying "Employers" I cannot comfortably speak for financial institutions. You prospective i-bankers should feel free to remove all nuance and originality from your features.

The Scoop: Day 1

I went back to my job at Eats and Sweets today. How was it? Well, it was working with a bunch of girls, ages ranging from 15-20 while my boss ran out to run errands, leaving me to be the boss. That's how it was.

The work itself is easy - so easy after all these years that it's second nature. Literally, I cannot just stand around when I'm there. I'm always just idly doing something - it really brings out the OCD in me. I'm working tomorrow day shift, and then hopefully that'll just be IT. I'm interviewing with a temp agency in the city on Friday in the midst of spending a long weekend (Thurs-Sun) in New York.

It's nice to have pocket change, and like I said it's not even like I'm working because the tasks come so naturally to me. I guess I just want to have a job where I don't duck in the back when I think I see someone I graduated from high school with walking in.

In any case - temping. Yes, I am looking to start temping. Great. I figure it'll be a good way to get some experience on my resume that isn't an internship. As for lack of benefits, meh. I'm on my Dad's health plan until the end of the calendar year, so hopefully I'll have something more stable in the coming months. We'll see...We'll see.

How I Got Conned into Scooping Ice Cream Again

On Thursday, I decided to take a break from being bored and feeling depressed about turning 22 and go for a drive. I weaved in and out of the various backroads in the area, but upon looking at the gas gauge and realizing that I'd be responsible for filling it up if it went down any longer, I figured I'd make a stop.

I pulled into Eats and Sweets, off of rte 611 in Scotrun, PA - a place that I know well. I started working there when I was 14. I worked there every summer, with the exception of 2007 when I was in New York. When I started I was shy, clumsy, and awkward. My more recent years there proved to be less embarrassing, and I was top management, trainer, and employee #1. It's a modest place, built from the ground-up by Glenn, the same man who owns it to this day. I looked up at the giant road sign, pronouncing "Making the Poconos Sweeter Since 1983." Glad to see they used my idea.

I went in and was greeted with the usual fanfare by my second mother (the one that I actually tell things), Damaris. Damaris, a Colombian that could have been a model if she didn't marry the owner of an ice cream shop, pulled me into a deep hug and interrogated me about my life. Her accent is so thick that it feels like you've been inducted into a secret society when you actually get used to it enough to understand her. We talked for a while, and I assured her that no - I would not be working there this summer. I intended to find a real big girl job, and I couldn't do anything else. She seemed disappointed, but didn't try to argue with me.

As I turned to leave, she stopped me.

"Amy-Luna!" (An old nickname with a long-forgotten origin) "A lady from the Pocono Record is coming tomorrow morning right before open. The message you had us put on the big sign got a lot of attention. Do you want to come, since you are one of the old employees, and you can be in the picture?"
"I..uh..sure. Fine, I'll stop by."

The next morning I arrived, wearing my old Eats and Sweets T-Shirt that I had taken to wearing to bed lately. Soon after I got there I realized that no other employees were coming except for me. It was just me, the reporter, the photographer, Glenn, and Damaris. Glenn brought out all the old pictures from the last 25 years of the shop, and they gave a pretty solid interview. Glenn and Damaris got up, and I was left with the reporter.

"Can you spell your full name for me?"
"A-M-Y-K-A-N-E"
"Oh, that's an easy one."
"I try."
"So, Amy, is there anything you can tell me about working here? What's the weirdest thing someone has ever ordered?"
"Uh, one time I had a man ask for ants on his ice cream. It took me a minute to realize that he was referring to chocolate sprinkles."
"What have you enjoyed most about working here?"
I paused. "Look, this was my first job...and I've had a lot since. I made my first big mistakes here, and I learned my first lessons here. I even got into my first car accident here, when I drove into one of the planters in the side parking lot. Cost $1400 to fix the passenger door of my '92 Camry. I made the money to pay that bill working here. I had some amazing coworkers, and it really became more like a family than anything. Yeah, it gets a little crazy here sometimes, but the craziness is what prepared me for everything else I've been thrown into. And that's about it, thanks."

I shook the reporter's hand, got my picture taken making a sundae I invented 3 years ago (now a top-seller), and went back to the kitchen, where Damaris was making the first batch of chili.

"I'm not working today."
"I know."
.......
"I mean, I don't mind helping you out here and there, but it can't be like before. I can't work everyday."
"So what do you want - 2, 3 days?"
"...3 would be fine."
"Okay then Luna, how about Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Open to Close?"
"Why bother working a half day when I can just do a whole one?...I'll start Wednesday."

I left Eats and Sweets partially defeated, but a little optimistic. Hey, at least I'll have money to pay my bills, and it's not like I'm going to get sucked back into my typical run of 70-hour work weeks...right?

Midnight Madness - A Personal Challenge

After taking a full 2 days to celebrate turning 22, I am back and bloggier than ever. Earlier this evening, I went to CVS and bought a packet of 25 manila envelopes. In about 20 minutes I shall go on my parents' computer (the one with the good printer), and armed with my linen resume/cover letter paper, I shall set out to write as many unique cover letters as possible. Once the cover letters are written, I hope to pair them appropriately with resumes, writing samples, etc. My goal is to send out the whole 25-pack's worth from the Post Office tomorrow. I think this self-induced kick in the ass comes from recently being conned to return to my job that I've had since I was 14 scooping ice cream. Excelsior!

Top Entry-Level Employers for 2008

1. Enterprise Rent-A-Car
2. Americorps
3. Walgreen Company
4. Internal Revenue Service
5. Progressive Insurance
6. Teach for America
7. Deloitte & Touche USA LLP
8. Target
9. Peace Corps
10. Ernst & Young
(Full list here)

It's kind of depressing looking at this list. You have to assume that companies 1, 3, 4, 5, and 8 aren't exactly hiring for jobs with a lot of upward mobility. Have fun working for commission and doing more customer service than anyone should ever have to in their life. Positions in places like 7 and 10, while at very prosperous companies, are typically recruited waaaaay before graduation. As for 2, 6, and 9, they'll typically just give you enough to live on (sometimes barely), and come on...we're not all cut out for that kind of humanitarian work.

Happy Hunting!..meh.